Somatic Therapy for Family Nourishment - Part 1

Relational Process over Content

Have you ever heard “It’s about the food, but it’s not about the food?“

When I worked at an eating disorders treatment center, I trained in and offered various therapeutic approaches to help people begin to heal from eating, exercise and body image struggles. Some of these approaches included Dialectical Behavorial Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Family Based Treatment (FBT), to name a few.

While I value an eclectic approach to healing, I have found that the relational process, the therapeutic or healing relationships among people (helper/client, parent/child, etc.), takes precedence over a specific approach. In other words, it’s process over content. And, there’s research to show that the therapeutic alliance is the biggest predictor of treatment outcomes.

The therapeutic relationship involves a power differential: client/therapist, patient/provider, etc. These power differentials can also apply to child/caregiver, kid/parent relationships. The pattern here is that one person, like a therapist or parent, has built-in power authority. Ideally, in families, the parents or caregivers have built-in power authority.

Family Support for Individual and Collective Integrative Healing

Because therapeutic journeys can offer reparative experiences in ways that enhance both relationships and nervous system functioning, using a family lens and family approach—whether it’s chosen family or family of origin—can help to re-feed these reparative experiences so all members of a family have potential to restore deep nourishment emotionally, psychologically, mentally, physically, spiritually and relationally.

From group therapy, to one-on-one sessions with individuals, to family sessions and family meal groups, one can have reparative family experiences and more sustainable bodily functioning. But within these therapeutic relational journeys, it’s important to take a closer look at how autonomy and client’s preference can still be valued by those who have built-in power authority.

Inviting Rather than “Should-ing” Presence and Participation

While at the eating disorders treatment center as a therapist and case manager, I also led yoga groups. While I found cognitive approaches as a potential way to support clients, inviting body awareness and movement to clients offered a quality of presence that required an even more mindful approach to inviting client participation. As modern neuroscience like polyvagal theory and somatic therapy has been celebrated and welcomed into therapeutic treatment over the past few years, we also know how reconnecting with one’s body can be valuable but vulnerable.

“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.” — Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Instead of should-ing or must-ing yoga group members, or instead of trying to convince anyone of “safety” solely through my words, I knew it was important for them to sense the safety and support through invitational language and presence. I found that invitational offerings were less about my words and more about the quality of the offering. Here are some examples of shifting from a more directive approach to an invitational approach:

• Instead of commanding group members to roll out mats, invite them to participate with a mat or perhaps simply the surrounding sofas. The more comfortable someone is in being able to choose the mat or the sofa, the more often they become more interested in participating with authenticity and presence.

• Instead of directing someone in an individual therapy session to report on their behaviors or eating history, an invitational offering can help the client stay more present and feel less threatened or ashamed. Rather than diving into a bullet list of questions to assess the types of support someone might need, inviting them to talk about whatever feels okay can often provide more quality insight than them blurting frequencies of behaviors with their head down.

• Instead of overlooking a roll of the eyes, or ignoring a whispered “yes” that screams “no” from a teen, consider becoming curious about what bigger truth body language or vocal patterning might be hiding. Paying attention to what is not showing up in the therapy room—like the inability to say no or the lack of taking up space in the chair—can give insight into what they might be hungry for.

The Relational Dance in Healing Multi-generational Trauma

The ways in which we become more conscious, particularly how we live in our own bodies—as parents, caregivers, healers, educators or providers—helps to birth a new collective nervous system functioning that offers more sustainable bodily functioning rather than the deprivation/binge cycles we as a culture have dieted on for centuries. When those who have built-in power authority can practice paying more tender attention to the quality of their own presence and their capacity to welcome all of those who are in their care—not only the “good” but the whole person—the person serving as the Circle of Support heals too.

“One of the best things each of us can do—not only for ourselves, but also for our children and grandchildren—is to metabolize our pain and heal our trauma. When we heal and make more room for growth in our nervous systems, we have a better chance of spreading our emotional health to our descendants, via healthy DNA expression. In contrast, when we don’t address our trauma, we may pass it on to future generations, along with some of our fear, constriction, and dirty pain.” ― Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies

Over the past several years, I helped co-develop a polyvagal-informed, multigenerational, trauma healing method called Chi for Two®—The Energetic Dance of Healthy Relationship. In addition to being based on scientist Stephen Porges' understanding of nervous system anatomy and Peter Levine’s understanding of trauma patterning, the practices draw from the work of major attachment theorists (Ainsworth, Tronick, Hazan, Shaver, Mikulincer), as well as the infant development understanding of Bonnie Bainbrige Cohen, creator of Body-Mind Centering, and the developmental rhythms identified by child psychiatrist Judith Kestenberg and colleagues. 

To summarize, the Chi for Two method offers a comprehensive approach along with specific relational somatic practices that help heal attachment trauma. The next blog post Somatic Therapy for Family Nourishment Part 2 explains more — Come along and read!